Every person experiences grief differently.
Most of us are familiar with the five stages of grief widely recognized through the work of psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These stages have given many people a framework for understanding some of the emotions that can accompany loss.
The five stages, briefly
- Denial. Shock, numbness, and disbelief. Denial can act as a defense mechanism, giving us time to process an overwhelming reality.
- Anger. Frustration, resentment, and sometimes anger directed toward ourselves, family members, doctors, circumstances, or a higher power.
- Bargaining. Attempting to negotiate with reality — often internally or with God — in the hope of reversing or minimizing the loss.
- Depression. Deep sadness, withdrawal from daily life, loneliness, and a sense of hopelessness or quiet despair.
- Acceptance. Coming to terms with the reality of the loss and learning how to live forward with it.
One piece of history is worth knowing here: Kübler-Ross developed this model from her work with people who were dying, not with the people left behind, and she later said plainly that the stages were never meant to be a sequence anyone marches through in order. Decades of bereavement research since have not found a fixed progression. The stages are a vocabulary for what grief can feel like — not a schedule.
Grief comes in waves
These stages are not a roadmap, and they do not follow a particular order. People sometimes expect their loved ones or friends to move through them in sequence, eventually reach acceptance, and then simply move on. But grief rarely works that way. If you have personally experienced grief, you know it can come in waves and storms, sometimes when you least expect it.
You may be in what appears to be the acceptance phase. The people around you may think you are finally “back to yourself.” You may even feel that you are beginning to find your footing again.
And then, suddenly, something happens.
You are walking through a store when someone passes by wearing the same perfume your mother always wore when you were a child. In an instant, you are transported back in time. You remember sitting on her lap while she read you a story. You can almost feel the warmth of that moment.
Then you are back in the present. But for the next few days, you may dream about her. You may find yourself quieter or more withdrawn. You continue going through the motions of your day, but something inside you has shifted.
This doesn’t mean you have gone backward.
This is grief.
One of the most difficult things about grief is that while it may become easier to carry as time passes, it rarely leaves us completely. The memories remain. The love remains. The relationship remains a part of who we are. Grief can resurface years later because love does not have an expiration date.
How do we support someone who is grieving?
If you find yourself caring for someone during the dark days or hours of grief, one of the most meaningful things you can do is be patient with them. Meet people where they are, not where you think they should be by a certain time. Try not to place expectations on their healing. Don’t assume that because they seem okay one day, they will be okay every day that follows. Grief doesn’t follow a schedule, and there is no universal timeline for healing.
Advice is rarely what someone needs while they are actively experiencing and processing grief. What can be far more helpful is the space to be themselves without judgment or expectation. Support, though, is almost always appreciated.
This is also rarely the time to tell a grieving person a relatable story about your own loss. While sharing our experiences can sometimes create connection, the grieving person may simply need this moment to be about their loss and their experience. Instead, sit with them. Let them speak. Listen fully. If they are telling stories, ask questions. Give them the opportunity to remember, talk, laugh, cry, or simply be quiet.
A few things that tend to land well:
- Say the person’s name. Many grieving people describe how quickly everyone else stops mentioning the person who died, as though the name itself is dangerous. Hearing it is usually a relief.
- Offer something specific. “I’m bringing dinner Thursday, is 6 okay?” asks less of them than “let me know if you need anything.”
- Mark the hard dates. Birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays are often harder in year two than year one, when the casseroles have stopped coming. A text on those days matters.
- Keep showing up after the first month. Support tends to arrive all at once and then disappear exactly when the reality is setting in.
And sometimes, you don’t need to say anything at all.
Sitting beside someone in silence can communicate something incredibly powerful: you don’t have to go through this alone, and I am here. Your physical presence, your willingness to listen, and your ability to hold space for someone’s feelings can be an extraordinary gift.
If you are the one grieving
Expect the waves. There may be days when you feel as though you will never make it through. On the hardest days, you may even feel as though you don’t want to.
Please know this: you are not broken.
Grief is not a sign that you are failing to heal. Healing is a process, and it does not look the same for everyone. There may be days when you feel strong and days when simply getting through the day feels like an accomplishment. There may be moments when you laugh and moments when a memory brings you to tears. There may be times when you feel like you are moving forward and other times when the grief feels just as raw as it did in the beginning.
None of this means you are doing it wrong. You are learning how to live with a loss that changed you. And you do not have to do that alone.
There are people, organizations, support groups, counselors, and crisis resources available to help you through the difficult moments.
When grief may need more support
Grief is not a mental illness, and most people move through it without clinical treatment. But some signs suggest that additional support would help, particularly if they persist well beyond the first year and keep you from functioning:
- Intense longing or preoccupation with the person who died that doesn’t soften at all over time
- Feeling that life has no meaning, or that part of yourself has died
- Persistent inability to return to work, relationships, or daily routines
- Avoiding all reminders of the person — or being unable to think about anything else
- Turning to alcohol or other substances to get through the day or the night
- Thoughts of not wanting to be here
Any of these is worth a conversation with a professional. Grief therapy, support groups, and, when appropriate, treatment for accompanying depression or anxiety can help — not to make you stop missing someone, but to make the weight possible to carry.
ResourcesGrief support groups in Hillsborough County (Psychology Today): https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/groups/fl/hillsborough-county?category=griefCrisis Center of Tampa Bay: https://www.crisiscenter.com · Dial 211 for local supportIf you are experiencing thoughts of suicide or feel that you may not be able to keep yourself safe, call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. If you are in immediate danger, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency department.
You are not alone
Grief can make the world feel incredibly lonely. But it does not mean you are alone.
There is no shame in asking for help. There is no timeline you must meet. There is no expectation that you should simply “move on.” The goal isn’t to forget, to stop missing someone, or to return to exactly who you were before the loss. Sometimes healing means learning how to carry the loss alongside the love.
So on this Grief Awareness Day, let us remember to be gentle — with ourselves and with one another. Give grieving people permission to grieve in the way that is right for them.
Listen. Be patient. Hold space. Show up.
And remember that sometimes the greatest gift we can offer someone who is hurting is simply the reassurance that they don’t have to walk through the darkness alone.
Care at Prestige Health & Wellness
If you are carrying a loss — recent or from years ago — and it has become hard to function, sleep, or feel like yourself, our team offers therapy and psychiatric care at our Tampa and Lakeland offices. There is no threshold of “bad enough” you need to reach before it is reasonable to ask for help.
Tampa: 813-252-0171 | Lakeland: 863-250-0240
Book online: https://yourprestigehealth.com
References and resources
Kübler-Ross, E. (1969). On death and dying. Macmillan.
Stroebe, M., Schut, H., & Boerner, K. (2017). Cautioning health-care professionals: Bereaved persons are misguided through the stages of grief. OMEGA — Journal of Death and Dying, 74(4), 455–473. https://doi.org/10.1177/0030222817691870
American Psychiatric Association. (2022). Prolonged grief disorder. In Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed., text rev.).
Crisis Center of Tampa Bay: https://www.crisiscenter.com
