self-esteem

New year resolution or delusion? by Dr. Louisana Louis & Natasha D’Archangelo, LMHT

February 1, 2023 by DrLouis Leave a Comment

By now, have your new year resolutions gone out the window? Every year, society reminds us that it is a new year and things must change. With the new year comes the tradition of coming up with new year resolutions. Where did this tradition come from? Over 4000 years ago, the ancient Babylonians were said to be the first to celebrate making new year’s resolutions and since then it has become a yearly tradition. Do you find yourself doing things because everyone else is doing them? Do you value new year’s resolutions? Do they actually lead to impactful changes in your life? Let’s say you decide to make a new year’s resolution and within two weeks to a month, it’s like it never existed. Has that happened to you? We know that it takes at least 4 weeks to develop a new habit.

Let’s consider the mental impact of making new year’s resolutions. When we make a decision to change a behavior to an extreme degree, it invites stress into our life. What can you do to not fall into this trap? You can still create goals, we all strive to be better each year but make realistic goals. What do you want to do better than last year? What goals do you want to reach by the end of the year, not just in 1-3 months? It is also important that you recognize that you have worth as a person even if you don’t achieve your resolutions. You are no less worthy as a person if you don’t lose that weight or get that raise or buy a new house. It might also be helpful to think about intentions you set as a theme for the year such as self-compassion or empathy. This provides you with some guidance but is not going to initiate your stress response.

What are the 7 stages of grief

July 17, 2022 by DrLouis Leave a Comment

Grief is a set of emotions including a person’s or a situation’s perceived loss, as well as any incident that alters a person’s physical, emotional, or spiritual reaction to the world around them. Other than death, we can grieve for a variety of causes. When we lose a job, a relationship, an opportunity, our health, our safety or security, our independence, our hope for the future, and many other things, we can grieve. In this blog, I will discuss 7 stages of grief that normally people pass through.

Shock

Shock (or emotional numbness) is the first stage of grief that follows a loss. The experience of shock can last from a few minutes to a few weeks or months. Shock is a defence mechanism that affects the mind and body, preventing you from processing all your feelings at once so you can recover. Shock acts as an emotional buffer to protect you from the reality of loss until you’re ready to deal with it.

Symptoms include:

high blood pressure
tachycardia (increased heart rate)
tachypnea (increased breathing rate)
hyperventilation

Denial

Denial is the first stage of grief and it’s a type of protection for your mind. It allows you to escape from the painful reality of what has happened so that you can begin to cope. Even if it feels like denial can last forever, eventually it’s important to move on from this stage of grief.

Let yourself feel anything and everything, but know when you need help.

Bargaining

Bargaining is the attempt to make a deal with a higher power that would improve your situation. For example, if you were to lose a loved one, you may bargain with God or Allah by promising to attend church every week, if only he or she could be brought back from the dead.

Regardless of whom bargaining is made with, it’s an attempt to postpone grief and delay accepting the loss. Many people believe that “if only” they had done something different, such as providing better care for a loved one who died of cancer, then the person wouldn’t have died.

Although grief can be overwhelming at times and cause people to feel out of control or helpless at the moment, eventually they move past this stage and accept reality.

Guilt

Guilt is a normal response to any type of loss.

The guilt you are experiencing may or may not be healthy. People often feel guilty for things that are out of their control, such as the death of someone else. It can also be very easy to blame yourself for things that were completely out of your control. While this guilt can be upsetting in the short term, it generally resolves itself with time and distance from the situation.

If your guilt is more related to how you handled a situation, it will likely resolve itself as well if you have done everything in your power to help remedy it. For example, if you are experiencing guilt about something you did or didn’t say in an argument with a loved one before they died, make sure that you’ve apologized or tried to explain yourself first. You may not get the peace that comes with closure right away but over time these feelings will likely subside.

Anger

The next stage of grief is anger. This is another normal reaction to losing a loved one. Anger may be directed at yourself, the situation or the person who has died. It can also be directed at friends and family members, medical personnel or even those uninvolved. Perhaps anger is directed toward God. You may feel that you are asking “why me?”

It’s important not to rush this stage of grief and make decisions you will regret later (like quitting your job). You also shouldn’t avoid dealing with your feelings of anger as this can cause it to build up inside later on in life and manifest itself in other ways such as depression or anxiety disorders.

Depression

A person in this stage will, unfortunately, be very unhappy, and will often find it difficult to go about their day-to-day life. They might feel like they want to give up, or that there is no use in trying. Depression may appear to be an unavoidable outcome of any loss. However, if you feel stuck or unable to go past this stage of mourning, seek help from a mental health professional. A therapist can assist you in getting through this difficult time.

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Acceptance

Acceptance is the final stage of grief. A common misconception about acceptance is that it means that everything is okay and that you are happy with what has happened. This isn’t true. Acceptance does not mean happiness; it means an understanding of the situation and an ability to move forward, even if it’s only a little bit at a time. It’s not necessarily “feeling better” or have gone back to your old self; it’s simply coming to terms with what has happened, being able to talk about it without breaking down or needing support, and starting to live in the present again. You may begin looking toward your future instead of constantly focusing on your loss.

There are seven stages of grief and it is important to go through the stages to have a healthy grieving process.

We will not be linearly experiencing the stages of grief, nor will we experience all stages. Additionally, some stages may last longer than others. Ultimately, it is important to remember that the grieving process is unique to each individual and there is absolutely no specific timeline for us to follow. Although there are seven general stages of grief listed below, our progression through these steps may occur more quickly or take longer than expected. It’s important to be patient with ourselves during this painful process and avoid judging our progress in comparison to others. Most importantly, if it lasts longer a visit to a therapist can ease the process.

How to Overcome Low Self-Esteem

June 27, 2022 by DrLouis Leave a Comment

The Problem

Before we get into overcoming low self-esteem, it’s worth talking about the problem itself. What is self-esteem? It refers to how you value and respect yourself as a person. When you have low self-esteem, you judge yourself negatively and think little of your worth as a human being. Low self-esteem can lead to people feeling like they’re not good enough for others or their surroundings, constantly questioning themselves and doubting their capabilities, blaming themselves when things go wrong, comparing themselves to others in a negative light, feeling guilty or ashamed for no reason, avoiding socializing with other people, isolating themselves from the world around them (sometimes resorting to drugs or alcohol to numb the pain), and even delaying treatment for illnesses because they feel like they don’t deserve it.

The first step toward treating low self-esteem is recognizing that any kind of personal issue needs to be addressed if it’s going to improve—in this case, recognizing that you should seek help if there’s anything in your life that makes you feel worthless or unimportant. In this blog, I will be discussing the cause of low self esteem and solutions to counter it.

The Cause

Self-esteem is the way a person feels about themselves, and how much they feel they’re worth. It’s made up of personal qualities that are either positive or negative.

The Solution

No matter what the cause of your low self-esteem is, it’s important to remember that you are not alone. You’re not a bad person for feeling this way; in fact, you’re probably not thinking about yourself or situations correctly. If you change the way you think about yourself and situations, then there’s nothing stopping you from overcoming your self-esteem issues and being a happier person.

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How to do it?

The first step to overcoming low self-esteem is changing the way you think. If you’ve grown up with an overly negative perspective on yourself, it could take time before that change. It’s important to give yourself time to adjust and not be impatient with your progress. Try seeing things from a different perspective: be more accepting of who you are and where you’re at, try learning to listen to yourself instead of the opinions others have of you, or try learning to trust yourself more when making decisions.

Perhaps one of the easiest ways to begin this process is by looking for examples in your own life where you have succeeded and can look back confidently on a job well done. Write down some things that have happened throughout your day/week/month/life that make you feel good about yourself as a person, even if it’s just something like “I woke up today” or “I made my bed.”

Look at the facts

Self-esteem is how we feel about ourselves and the value we put on our worth. It’s not just about having a high opinion of our abilities or talents but also feeling good about who we are as people. Low self-esteem can affect different areas of your life, such as your relationships, work or studies. You may find it hard to make decisions or believe in yourself and your ability to get things done. You might also experience physical symptoms, like headaches or a clenched jaw.

Know yourself

To get to know yourself, you have to understand your strengths and weaknesses. You need to understand what you like and dislike. What are your values? Find out the answers to these questions, because once you understand them, it will be easier for you to accept your flaws and focus on improving the things about yourself that bother you.

Why it is Important?

Self-esteem is important because it greatly affects your life. People with high self-esteem are happier, more confident, and more likely to pursue their goals than those with low self-esteem. Additionally, people with high self-esteem make better decisions, set higher standards for themselves, feel more capable of handling challenges, and are less affected by the opinions of others.

Low self-esteem can prevent you from reaching your full potential. It can hold you back from pursuing your goals and dreams and keep you from making good decisions about yourself and your life. Additionally, it can cause you to rely on other people’s opinions about yourself too much instead of being confident in who you are. If these points are important to you then developing good self-esteem can be a great way to live a happier and healthier life.

It's the first step in helping you become your own true friend.

You are the most important person in your life. If you don’t show love and care toward yourself, how can you expect others to?

Learning to love yourself is hard, especially if your self-esteem has been low for a long time. You start thinking that you need to change who you are or what you have accomplished so far to be happy with yourself.

In reality, it is more important to learn that there is nothing wrong with being you and accepting who you are and where you stand today. It’s the first step in helping you become your own true friend. If you think it is getting problematic for you to develop your self-esteem visit a therapist to discuss your condition.